Give up or not??!?!?!?

well, i always knew i was a terrible writer, i always had difficulty in explaining myself [but i secretly thought i was the best! - well that's a secret] so what happened to make me realize that i m terrible writer?

i hv to take this research based course in college, and find out something 'new' [finding new things is another problem] so well, i did this experiment [sort of] and blah blah blah - everything that is required to find out something 'new' - lo and behold! it is time to write a report

:D - for the first time i actually wrote a report on time and email it to my supervisor and co-supervisor!

my supervisor is pissed off at me for the reason that i didn't go for the meetings with my co-supervisor!!!! [well i didn't know why i should bother going when i was doing things the way i thought them i should do, i will write the report and email the results - fair enough for me]

so he wont be looking at my report at all [well may be he did, i don't know - no one told me about it!] and my co supervisor found 1001 reasons not to like it and she rejected it!!!

fair enough! no problem, i'll write it again, from her point of view [which i also, secretly thought was wrong! i think a lot, ought to stop doing that!]

so i wrote it again! and what now?

she rejected it again. *sigh!*

now what? i don't feel like writing it again! i so feel like giving up! i have done things that i can't explain to her, i have written things that i did, but then thought of them unimportant to mention! God! i decided i'll never write a book, because i knew i had problems beginning and ending things, why should i go through doing this again and again and then again????

so i have decided to give up!!!!

and go back home - this report will cause me my degree, but is the stress worth it?

Sugandh

a letter to my teacher

[this post was written to a teacher, whose teaching style went beyond the entire class, i did not post it then but found it today in the drafts]

believe me i love studying, i love learning things, but now i m in masters, not 7th. don't expect me to rote learn the definitions.

when i make a mistake give me a chance to correct it, because i am a good student. listen to me, because i exist in your class, even if by ill luck!

believe that girls can think logically, and if you accept this fact and appreciate me, it will make you great in everybody's eyes.

treat us as grown up, experienced individuals, not kids, who need to give test to prove to you that you are teaching fine.

put down your rules and expectations for us, we will try to live up to them.

respect our individuality!

respect our intellect!

respect our ideas! don't distribute them to the world.

appreciate what is good, openly! nobody understands your metaphors

believe that we can think and do! don't teach us just anything... even if nobody dares to tell you but you are not liked by anyone as a teacher.

we are people open to talk and discussions, but be open to our ideas, we will try and accept yours.

try to learn to share - it is a good thing!

try to inspire us! try to be our teacher

Sugandh

A thing for everyone!!!!

the biggest question i have ever asked myself and everyone else i know, is why to be? there was a time [well there are still the times, when i don't want to be] when i thought that being was such a waste of time!!!! so i tried to find ways in which not to be, only to find out that the only thing is 'to be' - confusing, huh???

not much!

you can't decide to be or not to be on your own! because you are! now the question is why you are the way you are! what is the purpose? the reason behind being?

if you find the answer to this, you will be satisfied and say, 'sometimes being is good'

i have still not found out why i m? but i have stopped question my being, i just am, although i have been many things in my life, i enjoyed being all of those, but i have not found out one thing that i'll like to be for rest of my life! so the question is not to find the way to unexist - to stop being, the problem is to find out- what is that you will enjoy being!!! :)

i have been a teacher, a software engineer, a writer!!!! [well i stink at it] a poet [:P - seriously] an artist [the work look like a 5 years old :P] a gardener [my plants live though :)] and many small things, but i m not going to stick to anyone of them!

i m still looking for what i want to be when i'll finish college!!!! i might go study more!!! [no i m not going to be a software engineer or teacher - but i still want to study more] travel a bit [never done that, always have excuses] teach - in a different environment, sell a picture [oh! BTW i have done that too]

but i know, if i m - there is a reason for it! i m going to look for it, even if takes my entire life.

being 27 does not mean that i have to be sure about everything in my life by now!!!! i can be as confused as i want to be!!!

until i find out what i want to be - hv fun!

Sugandh