I have never wanted to be famous. I have never wanted anyone to know me. I have wanted attention from a handful of people in my entire life. I crave anonymity and solitude. But for the last few days, I have been thinking about self promotion a lot.
I have been seeing these people write articles about things that there are thousands articles on. I have been seeing people at work list the tasks that are everyday maintenance work as things they did. I have been noticing people post their pictures with famous people to assert their importance and flaunt their knowledge. There is so much self promotion around me that I have been feeling inadequate. May be it is the first time I am seeing people who know more than I ever will or they are just good at saying that they know more when in reality all they do is know as little as I do.
This begs the question: what do I want to do in this situation? Change who I fundamentally am (was) because I do crave recognition for my work and skills, or just let things be and continue doing what I have always been doing (not care for anything).
Life has so much been about learning new things every year, but the most difficult are the things that one learns about oneself. There you are secure in thinking that you are basically a good person and not need change, but then you come across a scenario that you never thought about and you question the philosophy that you have painstakingly curated throughout the life. Your fundamental beliefs about yourself change and you realize that you are not who you thought you are.
So this scenario around me - where everyone is blowing their own trumpet - where does it leave me? Do I still need to be anonymous as I always wanted to be, or do I change and ask for recognition in the gaudiest of the ways possible (for me) to get the recognition that I crave.
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