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Neither A Friend Nor An Enemy

When I come to work, I am nobody's friend or enemy. I just am. Yes, there are people I prefer to work with and there are people that I would like to avoid, but still I am nobody's friend or enemy.

The thing is that I don't really believe in workplace friendships, neither is work my sole form of socializing or entertainment, work is what it is - WORK!

But the people I work with come with a strong sense of loyalty, not to work, but to people they work with! You do realize how is this a problem!

So, at times I feel frustrated and I want to teach them that my loyalty is with the organization I work for, not people I work with, because I have learnt a very hard way that people leave and the work still needs to get done!

So, to people at work!

I am neither you friend, nor an enemy and I suppose that you would respect me for keeping my distance from your grouping, politics and intrigues!

Recent posts

Things I Need to Learn in New Year

No, it wouldn't be a hobby, or a new skill or something else. It is self control. the ability to not expect much from people around me and the ability to not feel left out when they don't live up to my expectations.

The ability to give and not expect back.

the ability to withstand the blows of my 'friends' and everybody else!

and remember the ability to let go and not hold on to things that are hurting me.

that's the only thing that i need to learn in the new year!


Ennui & Anxiety

If i say this loud, there might be a lot of people who would think that i am dissatisfied and thankless person, because no matter who you talk to they tell you to count your blessings and not feel the lack of something that you can't describe.

but somehow, i can't get rid of this feeling of missing something. i constantly get distracted by other things and i don't enjoy what i am doing anymore. A sensible person tells me to stick to it and i'll get the fun back. that's practical too, given i fact that i need the job, but do i?

I sit here for hours and hours, doing practically nothing and trying to distract myself from whatever is eating me inside, trying to put on a brave face everyday and take one thing at a time. juggling things and failing and failing and always failing at everything and as a result i feel resentment for staying. for being sensible. for being practical.

i need to pack my bags and leave and be impulsive, learn something new and grow some more. i…

I Changed My Mind

Few years back it would have been hard for me to claim something and then let go of it, even if it was difficult to fulfill, live up to and continue or carry on. I would have died of shame and the feeling of failure. I could not claim something and not live up to my claim. that was simply not doable.

But with growing old has taught me that it's alright to go back on your word. I read somewhere that "Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it", and that rang a bell somewhere deep inside and resonated with what I felt. Now i believe that it is alright to go back on your word - not as in breaking the promise, but as in not living up to your claims - we all believe in things at different times in life. We all believe that there are things that are achievable and the things that if we didn't have them we will die and will not be able to exist or that our existence will be meaningless, but then you grow up and things change and circumstanc…

Paar Channah De

I am a huge fan of Arif Lohar's Paar Channah De which is the part of the sound track of Zinda Bhaag movie and it is such a soul stirring track that one would feel the dismay of Sohni who is pleading the ghara [earthen pitcher] to take her to the other side of the river chanab; eventually you are supposed to feel like Sohni.

But in Coke Studio 9 episode 4, Noori's version of this song came out and at first it was not as powerful as Arif Lohar's version, but it nudged its way in my heart and I can't stop listening to it. Amazing track.

Listen to both versions on Patari [that's my most favorite music streaming site]

Arif Lohar's Paar Channah De

Noori's Version


The Effect of Noori and Zeb Bangash Song

Around a fortnight ago I found out that I nearly flunked my PhD entrance test! =( the worst thing is that the result was a week late and after being on pins and needles for a week, I got to find that, and I had an existential crises. [like seriously, I have existential crisis the way people have headaches]

but the very next day came out this wonder song "Aaja Re Moray Saiyan" by Noori and Zeb Bangash on Coke Studio Season 9 and it just washed away the depression and anxiety of the previous week. It is such an amazing and happy song and I am glad that this song came out and that I fell in love with it and that it came out when I most needed it.

I have no idea why do people think that it is overrated or that Zeb's voice isn't suitable for such a song, I find it amazing and simple awesome.

Most of you must have heard it, but if you haven't then please do and I swear it is going to make you happy!


Reflections on Changing Life

Growing up has been such an amazing experience for me that I would never even want to think about going back to the past. Not even to undo the mistakes that I have ever made.
People complain about growing older, but as someone said that growing old is a luxury denied to many. I immensely enjoy the freedom and independence that age has brought with it. and I don't think that I will ever be ready to give them up.
Growing old has also brought acceptance with it. Acceptance of me by others and acceptance of others by myself. it has taught me to let go and carry on with life instead of dwelling on the past and wallowing in the misery - I gladly did that ten years ago - and trust me it is a huge burden removed.
Growing old has also brought with it the confidence that I didn't think that I could have. it has improved my decision making and helped me develop mechanism to deal with failure - instead of having a meltdown for months, I only had it for a week!!!! - Improvement.
so anywa…