Pay Attention

There are things that are not very important in our lives... but then they do make a lot of difference, we should pay attention to them

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Saturday, December 3, 2016

Ennui & Anxiety

If i say this loud, there might be a lot of people who would think that i am dissatisfied and thankless person, because no matter who you talk to they tell you to count your blessings and not feel the lack of something that you can't describe.

but somehow, i can't get rid of this feeling of missing something. i constantly get distracted by other things and i don't enjoy what i am doing anymore. A sensible person tells me to stick to it and i'll get the fun back. that's practical too, given i fact that i need the job, but do i?

I sit here for hours and hours, doing practically nothing and trying to distract myself from whatever is eating me inside, trying to put on a brave face everyday and take one thing at a time. juggling things and failing and failing and always failing at everything and as a result i feel resentment for staying. for being sensible. for being practical.

i need to pack my bags and leave and be impulsive, learn something new and grow some more. i know it is hard to admit and do something about it, but let me at least admit. . .

i am 30 something and i don't know what i am doing with my life!

there i said it, and it feels a lot better. now i can think of something to do with my life and i am open to ideas!

and i think that it is totally ok not to know what you want to do with your life. . .

Sugandh

Sunday, October 16, 2016

I Changed My Mind

Few years back it would have been hard for me to claim something and then let go of it, even if it was difficult to fulfill, live up to and continue or carry on. I would have died of shame and the feeling of failure. I could not claim something and not live up to my claim. that was simply not doable.

But with growing old has taught me that it's alright to go back on your word. I read somewhere that "Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it", and that rang a bell somewhere deep inside and resonated with what I felt. Now i believe that it is alright to go back on your word - not as in breaking the promise, but as in not living up to your claims - we all believe in things at different times in life. We all believe that there are things that are achievable and the things that if we didn't have them we will die and will not be able to exist or that our existence will be meaningless, but then you grow up and things change and circumstances change and then those things do not matter. Then it's alright to get away from whatever you claimed on a whim at a certain moment in your life. Let go and live and make other claims and try to live; and if you make the same mistake again, doesn't matter - you can repeat the entire process.

You don't have to feel ashamed or defeated or like a loser for not having, or doing or achieving whatever you thought you could and no one in this world has a right to mock you or for you to pay any heed to such people. Go ahead and do something else. The world is full of possibilities!

Cheers

Sugandh

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Paar Channah De

I am a huge fan of Arif Lohar's Paar Channah De which is the part of the sound track of Zinda Bhaag movie and it is such a soul stirring track that one would feel the dismay of Sohni who is pleading the ghara [earthen pitcher] to take her to the other side of the river chanab; eventually you are supposed to feel like Sohni.

But in Coke Studio 9 episode 4, Noori's version of this song came out and at first it was not as powerful as Arif Lohar's version, but it nudged its way in my heart and I can't stop listening to it. Amazing track.

Listen to both versions on Patari [that's my most favorite music streaming site]

Arif Lohar's Paar Channah De

Noori's Version

Sugandh

Friday, August 26, 2016

The Effect of Noori and Zeb Bangash Song

Around a fortnight ago I found out that I nearly flunked my PhD entrance test! =( the worst thing is that the result was a week late and after being on pins and needles for a week, I got to find that, and I had an existential crises. [like seriously, I have existential crisis the way people have headaches]

but the very next day came out this wonder song "Aaja Re Moray Saiyan" by Noori and Zeb Bangash on Coke Studio Season 9 and it just washed away the depression and anxiety of the previous week. It is such an amazing and happy song and I am glad that this song came out and that I fell in love with it and that it came out when I most needed it.

I have no idea why do people think that it is overrated or that Zeb's voice isn't suitable for such a song, I find it amazing and simple awesome.

Most of you must have heard it, but if you haven't then please do and I swear it is going to make you happy!


Sugandh

Reflections on Changing Life

Growing up has been such an amazing experience for me that I would never even want to think about going back to the past. Not even to undo the mistakes that I have ever made.

People complain about growing older, but as someone said that growing old is a luxury denied to many. I immensely enjoy the freedom and independence that age has brought with it. and I don't think that I will ever be ready to give them up.

Growing old has also brought acceptance with it. Acceptance of me by others and acceptance of others by myself. it has taught me to let go and carry on with life instead of dwelling on the past and wallowing in the misery - I gladly did that ten years ago - and trust me it is a huge burden removed.

Growing old has also brought with it the confidence that I didn't think that I could have. it has improved my decision making and helped me develop mechanism to deal with failure - instead of having a meltdown for months, I only had it for a week!!!! - Improvement.

so anyway growing old is fun. Everyone should grow old and embrace the pros and cons of aging and learn to live with what is instead of what was and what could have been!

Happy Living!

Sugandh

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

of Rekhta and Patari

i discovered these both sites last year and there is no turning back.

Rekhta is a website that has a wide collection of urdu poetry in urdu, hindi and english formats and it has become my go to site if i am looking for any ghazal or nazam on a short notice. i can't seem to get it out of my mind.

it is amazingly designed and has some awesome feature. like the one where u click on a word to look for its translation. :D

so if you love urdu poetry, do check out rekhta!

the second website that i discovered was Patari. Patari is an awesome collection of Pakistani music, it has everything from Pakistani pop, to folk to classical to regional. i dunno, i can't even describe what exactly it has. it has those wonderful categories and playlists. my favorite so far has been 'focus' and 'indie pop' Wow!!!!

every time i want to focus at work and shut down the noise, earphones in, 'focus' on and the world takes a back seat. it is my work and soothing instrumentals that make up 'focus'!!!!

the must recommended websites!!!

Sugandh

Demise of Shelfari

I started using shelfari in 2007, but i truly got addicted to it after it introduced 'books to read this year' feature, where i could just put in a number and just add the date i finished it on to add it towards the goal. amazing feature.

and it had a great contribution in making me a binge reader i am today. i discovered the group '50 books challenge' who were trying to defy steve jobs comment on people not finding time for reading books. [i am not sure about the quote] so i started with reading 15 books and then 20, 25 and finally 50. the year [2014] my goal was to read 50 books, i ended up reading 62 books and that was my biggest achievement of life!!! [like seriously, more than graduating from university, or getting my first job, or getting my dream job etc]

and now shelfari is being shut down by it's owner. though they are providing a substitute but i don't think that i would be able to build the relationship with the substitute the way i built it with shelfari. it was so nice, sleek and well techie. :)

Dear Shelfari you will be sourly missed!!!

Sugandh