The Conflict Within!!!!!!!

sometimes we don't even realize that there are so many of us inside us!!!!!!!!

until we reach some cross road in our life and we need to take some decision! until we fall in love with a person who contradict us!!!!!!

then only we realize that there are so many of us inside us!!!!!!!!

the two of you inside you keep fighting within you causing a conflict inside you, people outside might think that you are at peace with the world outside you, but it is only you who go through such hell!!!! asking questions and answering them for yourself!!! and never being satisfied with the answer given!!! never reaching a destination, never achieving a goal!!!!!!

the inner war is the most dangerous of all wars!!!!!

and often the two of you are polar opposite of each other. never agreeing on one thing, never loving the same person, never wanting to do the same thing!!!!!

you hate yourself for this!!!! you hate people for thinking of you having no problem!!!! some might see your predicament but they wont understand you!!! thinking this is for attention seeking, self generated problem!!!! whatever, this is the problem!!!! you fighting with you!!!!!

i have not found out yet, what to do with the other me!!!!! the scared me ~ and she has not found out, what to do with me!!!!!! the outspoken one ~ the pretender!!!!!
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human beings are amazing they survive this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sugandh

Getting up!!!!

Life teaches you to pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again! ~ Sharon Stone


it took me so long to get up and do what i wanted to do!!!!
sometimes when u fail to do what you wanted to do you just give up and lament on ur failures.
this is so easy, to accept things as they are, to accept oneself as a failure, but it is so hard to get up and turn things around!!!! there are many ways to look at one's life, there are many ways to look at your own life!!! from one angle i may find myself a failure, but from a different angle i may find myself as a most successful woman in my own way!!!! it all depends how you see yourself!!!


changing your point of view, your vision and your goal for life is not easy!! when you grow up wanting to be someone, when you have endless conversations with yourself about how u'll behave when you will be that somebody and road mapping everything from your dresses to your accent and your gestures and all of sudden you just can't be what you want to be!!!!!!! it is shocking!!!! 


leave the world alone, you become nobody in your own life, leave people's expectations away, you have not lived upto your own expectations! life is a burden that you carry everyday that you live and death and cowardice and disappearance become the easier things to bear to do!!!!


but this is not life!!!!!! 
'when life give you rain, play in the puddles!'
and someday you decide that enough is enough, i mnot going to stay here and mop for rest of my life!!!!! and you get up, dust yourself down and start all over again! and truly is living life!!!! you look for new you and then you are amazed how many of you are inside you!!!!!!!!! human beings are amazing! they can survive anything!!!!! :)

Sugandh

The Cursed Blessing or Blessed Curse

sometimes we come across opportunities, chances, peoples and loves that we think are our salvation, our destiny, our only chance at life, we live with them as, if missed life will never happen again. we become slave to them, worshiping, agonizing over what happened, what was said, how was it said! and thus we begin to lose ourselves, to become something that we were not supposed to be! and then we miss the chance, we fall from grace with the person, the opportunity slip by, the love - unrequited.

feelings of loss, failure, and sadness come over us, life becomes a burden and we lament the missed chance, not knowing that it was actually a curse that came to change us, to take us away from our true path, from our destiny!

until one day we are forced to face ourselves again! and thinking of that chance as a curse, we remember our lost blessing once more, not knowing the truth of it!

and then we try out the new chance that was forced on us, waking up from our slumber, to realize a long time later that the missed blessing was a curse that caused us to move away from us and the forced curse was a blessing in disguise that we took as a curse because we were too busy lamenting for the past!!!!

and to end this all there is cute cartoon to make us realize the irony!

Sugandh

Back to square one!!!!

people say that life only gives you one chance but life is giving me another chance now! i m back to square one and i m asked to play the game called life once again, on my own terms!!!!! isn't it wonderful???!!!


for me it is but it is confusing too and scary too. what if i fail again? what if i don't live up to my expectations again? what if i don't deserve this? all these questions make me question the chance itself!!!! why give me another chance????


but whatever the reason, i m given another chance to do what i originally wanted to do, to become what i have always loved and see the world as i wanted to see it! it would be a disgrace to fail again!!!!


so as Paulo Coelho said, 


"no matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up"


i m going to show up for sure! even if i can't afford to dress up properly! :)
Sugandh

Meray Dil Meray Musafir...!!!

i have never heard anything prettier than this. this poem keeps me mesmerize for hours without music and the way iqbal bano sang it made it immortal for me...
Sugandh

The other side of the picture

although Pakistan faces a lot of problems these days and everyone is counting them. keeping a close eye on those and tabbing each and every problem.

we live in a country where government goes on strike and refuses to obey its own courts.

we live in a country where human life worth less than everything else.

we face bad governance and injustice, hunger and poverty, we don't get relief of any sort...

but there is another side of the picture

i m a professional woman in Pakistan who wears a hijab!!!!!!!!

do u realize how much freedom i enjoy???????? i live in a country where i m allowed to work and earn my own living! unlike those where women are not allowed to leave the premises of their houses!

i was allowed to attend a university and earn a professional degree. unlike those who are never allowed to go to primary school even!

i m allowed to practice my religion and wear a hijab. unlike those countries where a woman is allowed to walk naked but not cover herself up!

i make my own decisions and i m allowed to choose for myself.

i agree that things can get better a lot, but right now i need to keep my eyes fixed on good things that this country give me and work hard for making things better at home :)

Sugandh

the incomprehensible situation

i m unable to analyze what went wrong with teaching and learning process in my environment!!!

the kind of students we were and the kind of students that i teach are totally different. although many people who taught me are still teaching but they also say that something went wrong.

the problem is not with today's student having more knowledge or awareness, but the problem lies with the over all attitude of the students as well as their parents and the new people who take up teaching as profession now!

i remember being outspoken and blunt, we were encouraged to argue with our teachers and make our own point and reach our own conclusions [not all teachers allowed that but there were some who liked it that way]. but today's student is not outspoken, it is ill mannered and over pampered! [well yes i think that]

physical punishment wasn't allowed when i was in school but once in a while if we dared to cross our limits, we'll get a thrashing and nobody complained realizing their faults or even just ignored it[if it wasn't so serious]. we hardly ever touch our students but when we do (even slightly) the parents start complaining!!! Our parents never went running to school if someone stood up for a period for misbehaving or being irresponsible! [please don't say that our parents weren't concerned, mine certainly were] and when i send notes to them to come and meet me for some particular problem concerning their child they never show up!!!!!! now kindly help me see the concern!!!

We were constantly told to keep our school clean and when there were wrappers in the ground after recess we were asked to clean them up. the scouts collected the bottles of cold drinks and we never thought of it as degrading. but if i tell my student to pick it up they feel insulted and there was a parent complaining that u make my child do the dirty work!!!!!!!!!

we put our heart and soul in studying but they are busy with fashion and games and fun!!!! they use abuse words and don't even stop in front of the teacher! they rear off their books and copies and we can't even say anything. even the threat of losing the marks wont effect them!

and this situation makes me wonder if today's student is bad or teachers just don't know what exactly their responsibility is!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sugandh