Unsolicited Attention is Harassment!

I went back to bank after three or four months. I wasn't very confident in going to bank. The reason was very simple, I didn't want to face the man who was calling me from the bank...

I go to this branch because it is near where I live, I don't have an account in this branch, but I need to deposit my checks, thus I will visit this branch from time to time. If you are one of the people who has worked in bank or held a bank account, you would know that these people have a lot of our information - practically our NIC number. On top of that we are required to fill out a deposit slip with other information at the time of the submission of the check.

So this employee of the bank asked me to get an account in this branch to make things easier. I said I will consider it (for a while I was really serious about that, but procrastination kept me from doing it). A month passed and another, and I didn't do it. One night I get a message on whatsapp saying "Hi!". I had recently switched a job and was making a lot of new contacts, so I wasn't sure who was messaging it, and I had to check the profile picture to ascertain the scribe of the text. The picture was of the bank employee. I ignored the message and blocked the number as I didn't want to be contacted again. The important thing was the timing of the text, it was sent somewhere near midnight. After I blocked the number, the other day I receive a phone call, recognizing the number I ignore it. Timings around 2 in the afternoon, another phone call an hour or so later, and ignored again. The phone calls stopped. I was suggested by my brother to make a complain to the bank manager, but I didn't. I should have.

So a few weeks pass in between and there was peace and silence, I forgot the incident and very conveniently forgot the number as well. And then, I get a call, not recognizing the number I answered the phone and - boom - the same person is calling; timing, around 6 in the evening. He introduced himself by saying "I wanted to discuss the opening of your bank account." My reply, "Since when do you call people after office hours from your personal phones to convince them about the bank accounts. I find it highly unethical that you are calling me at this time, and it is my decision whether I want to open an account at your branch or not. I don't want to be contacted in future." Thus I hung up.

I haven't received any calls after that, but that one call somehow, stopped me from visiting the branch, therefore making it very difficult for me to handle my own account - as I was either going to the branches that were away from my home, and costed me time and fare to reach there. I still fear someone keeping an eye on my transactions. Simply, I was scared of facing that man. I did not want his attention (I am very selective about whose attention I want). I didn't want to receive extra nice treatment or any phone calls.

I now realize why Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy found that Doctor's move annoying. This seemingly little incident had such negative effect on my freedom of handling my bank transactions with confidence and made me suffer from this inexplicable fear. This seemingly little phone call on his part, which he must have forgotten about, caused me anxiety and bouts of depression for few months. Until yesterday, when I took a day off from studying, talked myself into going to the bank, considered a possibility of going to the branch ten minutes drive away from home, or depositing it the next day at some other branch on my way to work, and asking my brother to deposit it for me, I decided to go. I asked a friend to practically tell me to go. And I went. And nothing happened. But I was scared. My heart raced the entire time (25 minutes to be exact). I am a grown, independent, and a very confident woman. If this causes me so much trouble, just imagine what it will be causing the girls who are just starting out.

Men need to understand that if we smile, we are being kind and not flirting, if I write my phone number it is not to be called on, we can make our own decisions and not be advised by every tom, dick and harry.

this is harassment and this needs to stop!

Sugandh

Finding Answers

questions- many of them we ask ourselves during the course of our lives, some we find answers to and some go unanswered. some questions are answered by other people - our teachers, friends, parents, mentors- and  to some questions answer come themselves - with time.

now the question here is how do we know, what question will be answered in what way? either we go to people and ask for answers, or wait for the answers to present themselves. how long should we wait, who is the right person to ask for answers, how do we know if the answer is correct or not?

a single question is never satisfied with a single answer. one question have numerous answers, and only one of those answers is the correct answer!

in my experience - the correct answers present themselves with time. even if you have stopped looking for the answer and have satisfied yourself with a make believe answer, the correct answer will always hit home!

and sometimes the answers come so late that they have stopped making a difference to you! but is it ever late to find answers to any of your questions. again in my experience - NO. it is never late to find an answer because unanswered questions eat your peace of mind! making the life difficult and one's brain anxious! the most unanswered questions start with the word 'why', all of us wants to know the reason for the things that are happening to us and around us. some of purely scientific phenomenon, kids ask these questions a lot - why does it rain? why is the sky blue? etc and the grown ups ask questions that are more mythical in nature, why do i exist? why did this happen to me?

doubts are questions too, doubts start with questioning one's ability and motivation for doing this? why am i doing this? am i doing this right? what is in it for me? and much more. who will answer these questions for us? no one! just time!!!! and time is a tough teacher, it answers when we have stopped looking for answers. but still when the answers presents themselves to us, it is like a beginning of a new day, a dawn of new era. it ends the monotony of life, making is bright and colorful!

so to all those, who have questions, keep asking them, but don't doubt yourself! the answers will certainly come!

Sugandh

The Role of Woman

well, i do realize that i m no one to comment on what a woman should and should not do, because in my life, i have never assumed the responsibilities of a woman! [but i hv been told number of times that 'toon auratzaat je naale ta daagh aahein, roughly meaning ur the black spot on women race's name...whatever *shurgs*]

so this post is about the woman who said that to me...

she is a mother, a wife and a daughter [count sister too] all roles that any woman should be blessed with. she has this high paying job[122,000/per month- 22,000 are her tax cut- so her bring home income is 100,000 and her husband also earns the same amount], she lives in a posh area in karachi, has a degree from abroad, looks pretty good - but she is still unsatisfied with her life!!!!

because she works she thinks that she is the one who carries the burden of the world on her shoulders, she got married to the guy who was lesser than her in status [this can make another post entirely] but she got whatever she desired. and when she found out that the guy is not what she expected him to be, she was told by her parents that she can leave him and start her life all over again, it was a mistake, she was promised full support, but she never did - she wanted her husband.

she has a daughter who goes to this very post nursery in karachi - a place where most of the people - like me - can't even think of sending their kids - she buys her clothes from mothercare and next or get them from abroad [courtesy her parents] but still laments inflation because she can't buy whatever she wishes.

she have all these servants - a maid, a cleaning lady, a driver - and still she is unhappy. why???? she isn't thankful!

although she told me that i m not good enough woman [because i simply don't bother about certain things] i think she is not a good woman at all!!!

a proud woman must never take support from her parents and learn to live in whatever he incomes allows. she must live with her husband in whatever circumstances or must separate from him, if he is as intolerable as she says her's is. she must make her children first priority not her career!!!! or must not complaint when she gets to hear that her child is spoiled!!!! a good woman must know her limits as well - in terms of dressing, language, and conduct with others.

when i was young my mother tried to teach me that shouting at others wont get anything done - i learnt it the hard way when i started working. a colleague tried to teach me that people just wont be nice to me because i am nice to them or that not everyone would be honest because i think i m honest - i learnt it hard way too! the best way to get things done is to do them yourself or keep reminding people who are supposed to do them!

now this woman expects her servant to be everything that she is not - she wants them to be punctual when she is not - she wants them to be loyal - when she is not [she hates her job and swears a lot and calls the company a shitty company] - she wants them to be methodical - when she is not - she wants them to be organized - when she is not- she wants them to pay attention to detail - when she ignores most obvious of things.

and then she thinks that she is the best woman!!! now go figures. because you work to earn 100,000 rupees in Pakistan you have to work long hours. you are standing out for this, because you want to make your child appear nice, you buy all these expensive clothes [trust me zainab market would do the same job] but you forget to teach her manners and you treat your child as a doll!!! to play dress up!!!

my dear woman! in this world to be a good woman, cleaning fervently is not the only important thing - there is a life beyond that. you need to learn to behave and speak!!!!

Sugandh

Woes of a software engineer...

or rather i should say estranged software engineer. after a long gap of 5 years i remembered that i am a software engineer and that i should go back to my own field and finish my studies and do something in it.

so i left my teaching job, left my home and moved to a different city ( i used to live here once upon a time, so this is not a new city) and got admission in a university to complete my masters degree in software engineering ( i started it in 2007). so in the classroom, i go back....

in the classroom everything was alright until the teacher started teaching. introductions were all easy. subjects were all that i had taken before. good... so far; and after almost three months, i feel like a stranger (obviously i am a stranger). kids know more acronyms than i do. technology has changed (and so have girls' hairstyles) and some i have forgotten (lack of practice) so here i am in deep trouble... i took a gigantic leap for following my dreams, just to realize that things and conditions have changed...

now, what will i do? persevere.... that is what i'll do.....read more books and relearn everything!!!!!!

:)
wish me luck
Sugandh

My Little Girl

i started teaching in 2008 and the first class i got was of 6th grade along with 5th. i was 23 years old, almost fresh out of university and hugely emotional. my students gave me something to look forward to. the happiest moment was when i tried to teach them something and they actually got the hold of the almost new concept of science and their faces shone with the pride of knowing something. the satisfaction that i got seeing their faces can not be compared to any other satisfaction.

the first class that i taught was quiet, as only few students were present, i introduced myself and ask them about them, what they liked, and what was their favorite subject. all the introductory stuff. in that class there was a sweet girl, thin, short, with big eyes. she always looked inquisitive. pretty good at studies, monitor of her class and she came from a very respectable family too!!!!!

the only word that i could of think for her was 'sweet'. we were not teacher and student, we were friends, older sister, younger sister kinda relationship. and then i left the job in that school, moved to other school, a new job, new set of students to teach!!!!!

i lost touch with her and today when i found her this is what she has written about her on her facebook info page.

"I'm not perfect. I'll annoy you tick you off, say stupid things & then take them back. But put all them aside, You'll never find a girl that cares and loves you more than me. I can turn from a Normal girl to a total Bitch in'a Second ! :* I Hate Love ! sometimes I can be Rude, Bictchy, Mean but if you can't tolerate me at my worst sure you dont deserve me at my best ! Crazzzzzzzzzzyyyyy :* and i love being it ♥ :D My Friends are my life ♥ :') Never Regret, live the moment and move on :) that's what i always do :p For me Life is climb, and we all are climbers . . I'm near the Top ♥ .. And I'm good at confusing people :p you hate me? get in the line with others waiting for me to give a fuck ! Man I Love My self :* ♥ :D"

i wonder what happened to my sweet girl. the way today's youth use the bad language thinking that it is cool and in, is so disheartening.
Sugandh

Birthday Blues

one of my students said, "miss how old are you?"
i said, "25 years."
she said, "you are too old. you should get married or at least get engaged. miss XYZ is younger than you, but she is already engaged."

my brother said, "i live with three old women" (referring to mom, me and our sister)
i said, "i don't feel old, when i was 19 i thought that by the age of 25 i'll be doomed, too old to do anything, but now i don't feel old enough."
he said, "whatever!"

ha! people think that i m too old, but ask me i just started living and making sense of myself :)
happy 26th birthday SW!




Sugandh

Sketchpad

so i discovered this new application today, called sketchpad by google chrome and i loved it!
here is the picture that i made using sketchpad

Sugandh

The Teacher's Daughter

everyone tells me that whatever i did back in school was because of my mother!!! my mother was teacher in my school! and i always wondered that what is the basis for people to think that?????? my mother actually refused to give me one extra mark in my Sindhi exam of grade 8th!!!!! and people said that my good marks were influenced by mother [only in one way they were influenced and that was she made sure that we were well prepared for the exams].... so my question was answered after so many years. why people thought that being a teacher's daughter was an advantage?

so this hppens that i was giving this exam for my graduate degree in education and there was this girl with roll number that was to be seated in the front seat and she happens to be  the daughter of one of the teachers working in the center where we are giving our exams!!!!! so every one from invigilators to center in charge and  the externals are not only ignoring that girl but they are making sure that she gets all the answers and is able to cheat peacefully.... [they even changed her seat] and she gets full benefit of being a teacher's daughter!!!!!!

sadly! her mother isn't realizing that she is ruining her daughter's faith and future :(

P.S. my brother tells me to stop being astonished every time i see some thing happen in the exam hall!!! but no amount of experiences like that will get me used to injustices!!!
Sugandh

The Sad Situation

so i hv exams of my sunday class, as i already mentioned. there were 12 papers altogether, 3 down, 9 more to go. and this post is my commentary on the last three days. i believe that as a student my duty is to study and i m answerable for this to God that whether i performed my duty with honesty or not! examination is part of any educational process and it is as important as studying!!!

now when we are inside the examination hall, the scene is unbelievable - for me at least- everyone inside the classroom solely depend on the cheating, everyone - that is except for me and my sister- and they have got marvelous methods of cheating. one of the girl wears a burqa and constantly talks on the phone, bringing books and notes in the socks and shoes are a norm. asking each others for questions is a norm too. and guess what!!!??? they all r teachers.[but i feel like calling them cheaters]. the invigilators think that it is the right of student to cheat and the center in-charge also think that a nd students obviously think that!!!

the sad thing is that all these student - teachers used to give these long arguments abt the deterioration of the standards of education in Pakistan and how it can be improved and that cheating is a disease and it should be eradicated and how they can make the education system of Pakistan better. blah blah blah!!!! all were lies.

the interesting thing is that the papers are so easy that anyone who is a practicing teacher with little common sense can solve it! mostly they ask for our ideas and arguments with no hard core theories involved!!!! everyday i pray for a strict invigilator, but i doubt if there exist such a creature in Pakistan.

i m a very scared person, i m scared of Allah and the punishments that Allah might give for dishonesty. i am scared of seeing myself if i cheat and practice dishonesty. how can i face myself or Allah or anyone if they actually know that i am a cheater???????????

these people are not scared, they cry for the religion, but they don't practice their religion!!! honesty was one of the virtues of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and we all are to follow in his footsteps. is this how we do it????


ANSWERS ANYONE????? 
GOD SAVE THIS COUNTRY!!!!
Sugandh

Random Thoughts

Writing
writing have therapeutic effect on human beings. if my mind is overflowing with thoughts and i can not manage them i start to write them down. then they start making sense, they start linking to each other and i feel that i am emptying myself. pouring myself out. though there may not be anyone who would read what i write, and my writing is not intended for reading [except for the blogs and tweets and notes on FB] as well, but still i write them down. speak away things via pen and paper and get done with the burden on my soul. i feel light, not happy but still less sad and sleepy. :)

Exams:
i have to appear in exams for my sunday classes and as a result i'll get a bachelors degree in education!!!!! one thing i learned that if anything is wrong with Pakistan, it is its teachers!!!! they r the one who train the future leaders and honestly speaking the teachers [most of them] are lazy, uninterested in learning and innovating, unable to do things differently and uncreative!!!! they do not deserve to be teachers!!!! and guess what they all are going to get this license for teaching and opening their own educational institute!!! SAD :(

Resignation
i left my teaching job because i m going back to university for my further studies! and after my studies i might never teach again and find a job as a software engineer! i might never even use the degree that i'll get in education, but the experiences that i got from teaching are priceless. my teaching job supported me when i was totally in ruins and had no hope for future. it got me the unconditional love of my students. it taught me how to tolerate people and listen to others. it gave me self confidence when i was left with none. i dunno how much i taught others but one thing is certain that i learnt a lot from teaching others!!!! these are the experiences that i'll never ever forget or want to forget! :) 

Sugandh

Quality of Parenting

i have experienced that in recent years the quality of parenting has gone considerably down, but this fact got proved when i formally joined teaching. these days all parents are interested in are grades and marks, they don't appreciate the value of learning, the joy of learning or simply the experience of learning.

i remember watching 5 minutes cartoon on TV in the morning (7:05 on PTV morning show with chacha jee) and 5 minutes in the evening and that was that, the first gift that i remember that my father got me was a box of color pencils, and we had books, loads of them and then he got us audio cassettes of stories and nursery rhymes. i remember going to parks and book fairs with my parents and siblings, but these things just don't happen today! the gift means an automated car, an expensive bag or dool or something and outing means a trip to restaurant!!!

as the prices of presents went up, so did the expectations. a parent was boasting to me that his child studies 16 hours a day and he got three different tutors come to his place to teaching him different things and on PC he is only allowed to access encyclopedias!!!!!!!! and that kid was rebellious in class, all he wanted to do was talk and talk and talk, not the fault of poor child! he was simply deprived of simple pleasures of childhood.

Second thing that has gone down is the quality of food that parents give to their kids. i remember having to eat cauliflowers and turnips and fish and occasionally a burger and French fries. we used to take home made lunch to school and we never got any money to buy stuff on our own. my mother used to keep candies and cookies at home and we had our quota fixed of them every day [one candy and two cookies]. but now parents would buy their kids pizzas and McDonald's and KFC's food as regularly as possible, not taking care of the amount of calories that kids need or the nutrition!!!! in turn making their kids fat and unhealthy. and the reason for doing this is...we can afford the stuff [in Pakistan, Pizzahut, McDonald's and KFC are considered to be for rich]

just today other teachers in staff room were discussing a problem child who sleeps in the classroom, not for the first two or three periods but the complete school day!!!!! despite a note sent to the parents and a meeting called to convince parents to put their child to be early, there was no response!!!! Mothers love staying up late to watch all the Indian saas bahu soap operas neglecting their child's need of sleep of 9 to 11 hours. just where this will take those poor kids. second thing this habit does to these kids is damaging their language and ruining their innocence and fantasy. God forbid, i'll never ever allow my own child to watch these dramas because of the language they use and the scenes they show and things they talk about [Allah ki pannah!!!]

all in all the conclusion is that parents are ruining the future of their children, they might grow up to be good doctors or engineers but they will never become good citizens and kids if  parents will not put their sincere effort into bringing up their children. sending kids to a big and fancy school is not enough, a child is the mutual responsibility of teacher and parents!!!!!

confusion unlimited 1

well this starts with the blog name and its gonna be a long time before i solves my confusions.

today's confusion: studying in Pakistan.

its been always difficult to find books related to my subjects, whether they were about software engineering or education! the basic subjects like introduction to software engineering has many books available in market but as you climb the ladder up and go for more specific subjects like requirement engineering, software architecture or documenting software design, software process model, the books disappear from market and those that are available are way too expensive for one to afford [thanks to my father, he bought me most of them :)]

and now that i am pursuing a degree in education, there are no authentic books available. books written by local authors are either out of date or incomplete and my instincts tell me not to trust them. event he course outline that we got from university is so out dated that one can easily discard it. the latest book referred for 'school organization and classroom management' was published in 1978!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and now i have problem finding the book on 'teaching of physical sciences'

research is unheard of and even at university level students are afraid of putting forward their ideas in  front of teachers and the arguments they have are the sack of arguments not learning!!!!!

my confusion will never end, i guess. :(

Realization - first step to change

Teacher: I know all of you are very intelligent! [humorously] or anybody has objection?
Me: Sir, I have objection.
Teacher: I know you would have!


X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

convo ended, we carried on with the teaching. this is the part of conversation that took place today in the CI [Curriculum and Instruction] class.

now the question is why do i have an objection on being called intelligent?
because if we don't realize the truth about ourselves, we'll never change ourselves. and the truth is that we are far away from being intelligent. [individual cases ignored]
 Most of my colleagues during the sunday class come to enjoy themselves, or to get a degree for sake of a rise or teacher's allowance. there are no people there who go there to learn. and i mean seriously learn. our ground realities are far from being ideal! we cheat, we lie, we copy, we waste time, we joke...  but we don't realize any of that.

I love thinking of myself as intelligent, I love to hear it from people, but when i assess myself, I have got a long way to go before I finally end up being intelligent. this realization will help me change whatever is wrong in me, whatever needs improvement, whatever needs to be corrected, avoided, deleted, updated...etc etc. but if i run away from realizing that i have got room for improvement, i'll end up being mediocre, just average not intelligent. so i don't want my teacher to call any of us intelligent!!!! we are in for "Rude Awakening!"

100 Edits on Shelfari...

i was introduced to shelfari in 2007 by a friends [he never used it after inviting me] shelfari is a website that is all about books and readers. in the beginning it wasn't much fun, all you could do was add books that you read or have read in the past and make friends and join groups, but gradually shelfari improved. now it offers you to add information about your favorite authors and books, add characters, write synopsis, recommend books and as for recommendations.

yesterday i completed my 100 edits on shelfari and that is simply great for me because it took me one complete year to understand this editing facility and after that i was hooked, continuously searching for new books and editing their info.

Shelfari is fun, do try it.

PEOPLE

when i was in university, i claimed to live in heaven because i really had no problems in life!

and i also thought that because i don't really go well along with people i must be crazy, because so many people can't be crazy at the same time!

but today it all proved to be wrong.

as usual i went to attend my Sunday class for teacher training... a BIG mistake that i make every Sunday willingly !!!!!

there during the hour of educational guidance somehow our discussion turned to the perfect environment and the role of parents and teachers in making that perfect environment for the child!!!!

in Pakistan if u r the child of a teacher, u r supposed to be the king or queen of ur class (true in 95% of the cases) so a girl in my class goes like... agar mein bachay ko kehti bhi hun ke woh aisa na kare tou uss ki maa jo aik senior teacher hai larnay aa jaye ghee!!!!

aur agar mein kissi higher authority ko kahoon tou principal bhi aisay hee hein.

at that moment i tried to share my personal experience.... my mom was a teacher in my school and when she joined she told us ... maan school mein tawanhji ammi na aahyan srif teacher aahyan!

and that was the end of the story... but people generally disagree with me. i said out loud that i feel alien here because i look like the only person with good experiences, rest of them have loads of bad ones. their colleagues are evil, their bosses are evil, their students are evil, the parents they interact with are evil!!!! everyone around them is EVIL!!!!

i understand that situation in Pakistan is very bad and the ground realities are even in the sadder, but that doesn't mean that they have to remain like this forever. we are teachers, we shape the future, we can bring any change we want, but it look like we are more interested in criticizing the system, the people, the state, but would not change anything...................

we are not, unfortunately, interested in learning, we are only interested in earning :(

-----X-----X-----X-----X-----

and then i went to buy wool :D [fine i knit in summers]

resham gali ends up in shahi bazaar, the longest bazaar in Asia!!!!

its the only place in haiderabad where you can buy wool from :( [women don't knit anymore!!!]

so MQM happen to celebrate 'MERA HYDERABAD' week. safai nisf eemaan hai!!!!

[aur ghunda gardi poora!]

they occupied hald the half the parking lot but putting up a tent there showing off their party work!!!! what work??? annoying people and creating hindrance in traffic!!! what a week!!!!!!!!