Thoughts on Being Famous and Self-Promotion

I have never wanted to be famous. I have never wanted anyone to know me. I have wanted attention from a handful of people in my entire life. I crave anonymity and solitude. But for the last few days, I have been thinking about self promotion a lot.

I have been seeing these people write articles about things that there are thousands articles on. I have been seeing people at work list the tasks that are everyday maintenance work as things they did. I have been noticing people post their pictures with famous people to assert their importance and flaunt their knowledge. There is so much self promotion around me that I have been feeling inadequate. May be it is the first time I am seeing people who know more than I ever will or they are just good at saying that they know more when in reality all they do is know as little as I do.

This begs the question: what do I want to do in this situation? Change who I fundamentally am (was) because I do crave recognition for my work and skills, or just let things be and continue doing what I have always been doing (not care for anything).

Life has so much been about learning new things every year, but the most difficult are the things that one learns about oneself. There you are secure in thinking that you are basically a good person and not need change, but then you come across a scenario that you never thought about and you question the philosophy that you have painstakingly curated throughout the life. Your fundamental beliefs about yourself change and you realize that you are not who you thought you are.

So this scenario around me - where everyone is blowing their own trumpet - where does it leave me? Do I still need to be anonymous as I always wanted to be, or do I change and ask for recognition in the gaudiest of the ways possible (for me) to get the recognition that I crave.

Sugandh

On Being a Good Neighbor

I think of myself as a good neighbor. The only time I lived alone people only found out that I existed when I was moving out.

I keep my music low (though I play it all the time), I don't litter and properly leave my garbage outside my door to be collected by the garbage collector. I pay my bills on time, and I generally keep to myself.

But I am not sure what's up with my neighbors. In every city that I have lived and for as long as I remember, I had kinda bad neighbors. they crowded around our door and never moved away even when they saw us coming (i would want people to leave my doorway when I want to pass), throwing garbage outside our door, as if it was some kind of trashcan, noisy, and overall ill mannered and people you would want to avoid.

I changed the city, and guess what? bad neighbors followed us here. Until the house was empty, it was nice, but as soon as the family arrived for winters (Thank God! they are seasonal) they produce a heap of garbage (honestly it is none of my business that how much garbage they produce, but they dump it outside my house). they have thrown away all their diapers, pads, and other stuff outside the balcony. which is accumulating on shed of a restaurant (I am planning to talk to the restaurant's manager) and on top of that they have ill mannered children, something between 4 and 15!!! the younger ones are always playing in the corridor and their amusement is ringing the doorbell and running away! all the time, at 3- 4 in the afternoon when we are resting, or at 11 in night, when my mother is about to go to sleep. And there is no reasoning with them. their kids are young, but what's the right age to start training their children about not to irritate or annoy the neighbors (or people in general) if they could enjoy ringing the bell, they could be taught not to do it because it disturbs people.

but how can I expect that from them? when elders can't even be bothered about cleanliness!!! they apparently has a lot of money, because it requires a lot of money to support a certain lifestyle that they enjoy, but they don't have manners and all the money can't buy you manners and education.

when this happens, I remember all the Islamiyat lessons and Ahadees about cleanliness and on importance of being good neighbors.

So, if you are reading this, please make sure that you are a good neighbor. Save someone from writing such a post!

Sugandh

The Impressions

Is the first impression always the last impression? I don't think so ... I usually start by liking people a lot, for me they can do no wrong, they all are inherently good and want or cause no harm to me or to anyone else in the society! but with every passing encounter and observations I discover things that i dislike and end up mostly disliking them altogether in most of the cases.

In the same was a friends of mine always starts with being wary of the people, she won't get too close or put too much trust in people or anything, she finds it very difficult to trust people and with every new interaction discovers the new and positive things about those once unknown.

we are not discussing here whose method of assessing people is better, but that we both don't retain the first impressions of the people we meet, we change them over time. we might remember what we first thought of them but that doesn't make us keep liking or disliking them. second thing that i have noticed and most people i discussed with disagree with it, that your appearances make a very big impact on how people perceive you, vanity may be but this is how i feel about people and the first impressions!

Sugandh

Ten Characteristics of Pakistanis

Just a note before i begin. i am not criticizing myself or my fellow country people, i am just trying to be objective and see where do we go wrong!

1. we know how to live without electricity, water and natural gas.
2. when we are demonstrating against the government, we hurt ourselves.
3.we are a special brand of muslims, removed away from real Islam, but believe in anything that a mullah will tell us, not bothering to find out the truth ourselves or to confirm the spoken word!
4. we think that speaking English is height of literacy.
5. we think breaking a traffic rule is not a punishable crime.
6. we love criticizing ourselves even for the things that we have not done wrong
7.  we always select the people to rule us that we know will not prove themselves, no matter how many chances.
8. we talk about the change and so much want it, but will wait for someone else to start the movement.
9. we think that everything that goes wrong in our country is American/Indian/Jewish conspiracy and that 'Muslims' are incapable of doing anything wrong.
10. We love to rant and do nothing practical!

so here goes my ten characteristics of Pakistanis [these include some of my own traits too :/!!!!]


Sugandh

The Food Fantasies

i m not a foodie - translate it to the fact that i will not cook when hungry :P so well, most of the times i m not hungry even! really!!!! i m only hungry when i m tensed or bored!!!! and exams make me tensed!!!

so during the exams i do two things - i eat and sleep- [yeah well, i study too] and i harbor these food fantasies in which i plan menus and snacks and what not.

my favorite food fantasy is one with noodles - long creamy noodles with chicken and basil and noodles with red sauce and meat balls, noodles with sausages and oregano, just plain noodles with vegetables, noodles with smoked mince meat!!! [well writing about it makes my mouth water]

another craving that i have is of eating cakes, cheese cakes, chocolate mousse cake, chocolate mud cake, pineapple cake, chocolate fudge cake and lots more cakes. - ah cakes!!!!

then i think of drinking hot chocolate - a large mug of steaming creamy chocolate with buns - raisin buns with jam - strawberry jam!!! [yum!!!]

then i have one all time favorite fantasy of eating bar b.q. food with paratha!!! gola kebab, rashmi kebab, bihari kebab, tikka, seekh boti!!!! with raita and salad and imli ki chuttni and pepsi!!!! loads of pepsi!

there is one strange thing about pepsi, when i don't drink it for days, i don't miss it, but as soon as i have one sip and all i want is pepsi!!!!

then ice cream - moven pick, igloo, walls, omore - any flavor, any size, any color, anytime would do!!! :P one simply never fantasize about food without thinking of ice cream :D

so well, yeah! for a person like me - who panics at the mention of name 'cook', own only one cookbook [that also is a chocolate cookbook] and few recipes [that are of omelettes] and hates spending money on buying ingredients for herself!!! this is too much a fantasy- that always leaves me hungrier than i was :P

i can only hope that exams end soon and i can go back to my 'don't care about food' self!!!

Sugandh

Crisis Awakens

i read the above words in a book, 'kool aids' and it is so true... crisis really awakens one. people do walk around comatose not knowing what exactly they want to do, until a crisis come in their lives and wake them up! i am one of the people who was awaken by a crisis. a crisis that sent me in deep sleep, making me reject all reality and a crisis that woke me up, and forced me to do things, that i thought were impossible,

reality is different for us all, and we all react to the changing reality in different ways, we don't realize what we have until for start losing it, we don't realize the importance of peace, until a crisis occur in lives and force us to make changes.

i don't really value my life, time or so many things that i have, i take them for granted, there is always tomorrow to finish projects, there is always some other time to call people, to meet them, there is always another job to be done!!! there is always a second chance, but what if i come to know right now that i have got less than 24 hours to live, i am going to write to all the people that i had loved or i love still, i am going to call friends who i have not called for years now. i am going to sort things out, end the grudges, start living!!!

but not right now, because i have tomorrow, to finish that assignment, to write that proposal, to knit the scarf, to eat food, to call home!!!

it is in times of desperate turmoil that i truly realize who i am and what i am capable of doing!!!!

so in my case, crisis awakens!!!

Sugandh

Finally

after a week of the new year eve, i came up with my list of resolutions. its rather a long list, but i'll share few things with u!!!!

1. learn XML.
2. learn to crochet.
3. finish reading 'hunchback of notre dam' [i started it last year, ditched it, started it this year and ditched it, and now its on my to do list of this year]
4. learn to relax!!!!!!
5. take a picture every day and post it!!!!

so these were few of the things that i would like to do this year!!!

Whats new in the new year???

Happy new year to one and all!!! [to those too who think that new year was in muharam!!! belated then]

well this all started when i saw "50 things you should do in 2012" on Style 360 and i started for any such list to follow! instead of making my own to do list. [i never follow them anyway]

so i started googling the term, looking for other people's to do lists, new year resolutions and list of things to do in 2012. Alas! but in vain. found nothing doable. [i m not going to visit grand canyon!!!! no money]

so i asked my friends on facebook, to come up with their own lists! and they came up with such elaborate lists. missing the small joys of life. like getting married!!!! [even if i want to i can't bcz i hvn't found anyone marriageable]

so here i m on the 2nd day of new year with no planning for the year, except that i want 8 As this year :D

Sugandh

guilty

well,  i am guilty of being not strong enough to forbid my driver from breaking signal!!!


Sugandh

so much to do and....

ah! life plays strange games with us. once upon a time when i had all the time in the world, i had nothing to write about. i would sit in front of this screen for hours and hours and think what should i write?
what would be of interest to me and ppl? what should make it to public eye and what should remain hidden? :( i had nothing to write about.

and when my life took a U turn i ended up doing what i wanted most, i have a lot to write but alas! i have no time to write it...

life is strange :(
Sugandh

The urge to retaliate

someone from my last job, told me not to do that in my new environment. she begged me not to make the enemies - people who would hate me or in more subtle way dislike me- but i am still me. i feel like retaliating right now. throw this very diary at the head of the guy sitting somewhere behind and give him piece of my mind. why? because he is stupid and stupidity i can't stand. he is full of sick humor that most average guys (in my view) are full of!!!!!

he would just agree with anything that a teacher has to say, just to make fun of the teacher later when he/she is not around, he would flatter the teacher during the class and pass those stupid comments at those who ask questions or argue over some point with the teacher... because all he ever say is, 'sir aap kehtay hein tou maan laytayh ein' ( sir if you are saying this and this is why we are agreeing with it)

i am not being sarcastic, i am only angry and i feel like breaking the promise! if i could...

Sugandh

Woes of a software engineer...

or rather i should say estranged software engineer. after a long gap of 5 years i remembered that i am a software engineer and that i should go back to my own field and finish my studies and do something in it.

so i left my teaching job, left my home and moved to a different city ( i used to live here once upon a time, so this is not a new city) and got admission in a university to complete my masters degree in software engineering ( i started it in 2007). so in the classroom, i go back....

in the classroom everything was alright until the teacher started teaching. introductions were all easy. subjects were all that i had taken before. good... so far; and after almost three months, i feel like a stranger (obviously i am a stranger). kids know more acronyms than i do. technology has changed (and so have girls' hairstyles) and some i have forgotten (lack of practice) so here i am in deep trouble... i took a gigantic leap for following my dreams, just to realize that things and conditions have changed...

now, what will i do? persevere.... that is what i'll do.....read more books and relearn everything!!!!!!

:)
wish me luck
Sugandh

Awesome Things

i discovered about 1000 awesome things last year, and ever since i have been following it. it is a very nice idea to count one's blessings. a man who was depressed started this blog so that he could count things that were nice in his life, that made his life worth living! awesome idea - simply awesome.

if we think like this, we can all write our own awesome things blogs. whenever i think about this blog i start noticing things that i fine awesome.
like the smell f coffee, smell of freshly mowed grass, the smell of rain on soil, the smell of beach. the smell of babies, the flowers, the spring, the winters, ice creams, beads, knitting, cross stitching, buying you favorite book, earning and spending :)

i can go on and on with my list of awesome. so if you have never heard of this blog, go and see it. you will certainly like many things there and find them "awesome"
cheers
Sugandh

Reaction

ok, i m late, but here is my reaction to altaf hussain's speech yesterday. you can't blame me for not listening to him. at 8 o'clock i turn on the TV and i switch to Dawn News, wanting to listen to news bulletin but what the hell, there is altaf hussain on, ok no problem i m going to switch the channel, tune to Hum TV, watch the new drama serial. 9 o'clock drama ends, i switch back to Dawn News [i get desperate for news at times :S] still altaf hussain on, flip the channel, altaf hussain, again change the chanel, altaf hussain and on almost every news channel altaf hussain. ok no problem. listen to him, get his version of the story. [i really believe in versions of stories] ok be patient SW. he is going to make sense to you after sometime. you are confused because you are listening to him for the first time.

alright, i am doing great for sometime and then he start singing 'bolo, bolo, bolo, kuch tou bolo' and that just ticked me off, and i changed the channel to BBC Lifestyle saying bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. i have never said this much bullshit in my life. [i later found out that he actually sang 'parday mein rehnay dou' and today i found out that he actually said 'darling journaliston kay leeaye!!!!!!!!]

Goodness, how can people stand this for hours when i was unable to stand him for 15 minutes. people must have greater amounts of patience than me!!!!! certainly!!!!!

after the press cum video conference, all the tv anchors start analyzing what happened!!!!!! WOW. but nothing happened, everyone looked so pissed off at MQM and MQM blew it big time. Hamid Mir actually cut that Ex Mayor!!!!! and Talat Hussain dug out every video evidence of altaf hussain's past statements!!!!! wow! all of sudden it looks like media was shaking off the fear of MQM.

Amazing.... i always thought that all the media was afraid of the MQM , but yesterday was amazing. :D

no i m not specifically hard on MQM. Political parties in Pakistan, usually don't make sense, although at heart i tend to favor sindhis but i m not pro the nationalist parties of sindh that exist at the moment, but let me tell you this, i can actually listen to ayaz latif palijo, safder sarki and qadir magsi. although i don't agree to them at times!!!!! i am able to listen to asif ali zardari - the president, and yousuf raza gilani, after everything, [just like his today plea for flood victims. he should have told what government is doing, not what people and international community ought to do] but yesterday was unbearable.

so after watching some more BBC Lifestyle, i come to my room and imagine the torture, the parosees listening to the speech in full volume!!!!!! i wanted to bang my head against the nearest wall, but i refrained. i picked up my knitting and ran back downstairs. and started watching some more BBC Lifestyle.

if i kill another soul for the "LEADERS" then i m damned fool...


P.S. Zulfiqar Mirza must be a happy man these days, as he ignited all this(~quoting ahad ali shah kazmi)

Sugandh

Eid, Suspicion and other thoughts

Eid

Eid Mubarak to everyone who is reading this. may ur day be filled with joy and rain water :P

so here i am on eid, wearing a very 'festive' looking dress and my sister go like, you wore this dress today!!! you should have waited for a festive occasion. and i go like, "what is more festive than eid?"

this convo simply reflect that people have actually forgotten that eid is a gift from Allah, for successfully observing the month of Ramzan and for forbidding oneself from things that are allowed only for the happiness of Allah. this is the day to dress up and be happy. it is not the day off only!!!!!

Suspicion

How is it possible that Zulfiqar Mirza sahib speak and I don’t comment on it? So there goes the bomb, he had said out loud what most of us wanted to hear. [at least ppl I know, wanted to hear what he said!!!!] and then the news reporters, current affairs anchors, ppl in  general started asking, if he is speaking the truth? God! How suspicious a nation can get? We are actually divided in groups just because of a statement from a politician. we as a nation should stop being suspicious and start looking for the truth ourselves. Or else we are doomed for the eternity if only we believe in what we hear!!!!! GET UP PPL!!!!!!

and people i met!!!!!


so i joined this new university for doing masters and i met quite a few people and some of them are so nice that u immediately want to be friends with them and some of them are so horrible  that i would like to stay away from them... Well ppl!!!!!!


Sugandh

My Little Girl

i started teaching in 2008 and the first class i got was of 6th grade along with 5th. i was 23 years old, almost fresh out of university and hugely emotional. my students gave me something to look forward to. the happiest moment was when i tried to teach them something and they actually got the hold of the almost new concept of science and their faces shone with the pride of knowing something. the satisfaction that i got seeing their faces can not be compared to any other satisfaction.

the first class that i taught was quiet, as only few students were present, i introduced myself and ask them about them, what they liked, and what was their favorite subject. all the introductory stuff. in that class there was a sweet girl, thin, short, with big eyes. she always looked inquisitive. pretty good at studies, monitor of her class and she came from a very respectable family too!!!!!

the only word that i could of think for her was 'sweet'. we were not teacher and student, we were friends, older sister, younger sister kinda relationship. and then i left the job in that school, moved to other school, a new job, new set of students to teach!!!!!

i lost touch with her and today when i found her this is what she has written about her on her facebook info page.

"I'm not perfect. I'll annoy you tick you off, say stupid things & then take them back. But put all them aside, You'll never find a girl that cares and loves you more than me. I can turn from a Normal girl to a total Bitch in'a Second ! :* I Hate Love ! sometimes I can be Rude, Bictchy, Mean but if you can't tolerate me at my worst sure you dont deserve me at my best ! Crazzzzzzzzzzyyyyy :* and i love being it ♥ :D My Friends are my life ♥ :') Never Regret, live the moment and move on :) that's what i always do :p For me Life is climb, and we all are climbers . . I'm near the Top ♥ .. And I'm good at confusing people :p you hate me? get in the line with others waiting for me to give a fuck ! Man I Love My self :* ♥ :D"

i wonder what happened to my sweet girl. the way today's youth use the bad language thinking that it is cool and in, is so disheartening.
Sugandh

The Sad Situation

so i hv exams of my sunday class, as i already mentioned. there were 12 papers altogether, 3 down, 9 more to go. and this post is my commentary on the last three days. i believe that as a student my duty is to study and i m answerable for this to God that whether i performed my duty with honesty or not! examination is part of any educational process and it is as important as studying!!!

now when we are inside the examination hall, the scene is unbelievable - for me at least- everyone inside the classroom solely depend on the cheating, everyone - that is except for me and my sister- and they have got marvelous methods of cheating. one of the girl wears a burqa and constantly talks on the phone, bringing books and notes in the socks and shoes are a norm. asking each others for questions is a norm too. and guess what!!!??? they all r teachers.[but i feel like calling them cheaters]. the invigilators think that it is the right of student to cheat and the center in-charge also think that a nd students obviously think that!!!

the sad thing is that all these student - teachers used to give these long arguments abt the deterioration of the standards of education in Pakistan and how it can be improved and that cheating is a disease and it should be eradicated and how they can make the education system of Pakistan better. blah blah blah!!!! all were lies.

the interesting thing is that the papers are so easy that anyone who is a practicing teacher with little common sense can solve it! mostly they ask for our ideas and arguments with no hard core theories involved!!!! everyday i pray for a strict invigilator, but i doubt if there exist such a creature in Pakistan.

i m a very scared person, i m scared of Allah and the punishments that Allah might give for dishonesty. i am scared of seeing myself if i cheat and practice dishonesty. how can i face myself or Allah or anyone if they actually know that i am a cheater???????????

these people are not scared, they cry for the religion, but they don't practice their religion!!! honesty was one of the virtues of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and we all are to follow in his footsteps. is this how we do it????


ANSWERS ANYONE????? 
GOD SAVE THIS COUNTRY!!!!
Sugandh

Being Clever

it is very hard for me to write!!!!! i just can't simply write things like people do. my writing stop making sense to me after few sentences and i am unable to end a piece logically!!!! :(

the reason i don't write stories for!!! and second thing i am very objective.... no imagination, no sense of humor :(.... things appear to me as they are, until someone points out to me what they actually meant!!!!

now i read a lot, books, magazines, blogs, statements, statuses of my contacts on FB and Twitter, and i wonder how clever they are and i wish to write like them, but alas! i can't, i just simply can't sound witty or sarcastic or anything. but then i realize that that would not be me and if i tried really hard to sound like other people, i would be other people, not me!!!! so from right now, i give up trying to be witty!!!! 

and i'll enjoy being myself!!!

Sugandh